20 Mistakes to Avoid in Childbirth
1. Foregoing a childbirth education course.
2. Skipping birth prep because it's your second/third or beyond
3. Limiting your birth team by not hiring a doula
4. Overlooking childcare or pet care
5. Giving your birth experience over to others by not exploring all of your childbirth options in a birth plan
6. Assuming you don't need to interview your practitioners
7. Avoiding considering emergency situations
8. Not resting enough, especially in early labor
9. Notifying too many people and too early
10. Underutilizing low-intervention coping techniques
11. Going to the hospital too early
12. Bringing fear into your birth
13. Not involving your partner
14. Suboptimal hydration and nutrition needs
15. Rigid thought patterns
16. Not trusting your practitioners
17. Not trusting yourself
18. Under Prioritizing your wellbeing
19. Blaming yourself
20. Not emotionally and mentally processing your birth
*Medical Disclaimer*As a reminder, the information in my blog is for general informational purposes only. It should not be used as self diagnosis and it is not a substitute for a medical exam, cure, treatment, diagnosis, and prescription or recommendation. You should not make any change in your diet or health regimen before first consulting a physician and obtaining an appropriate medical evaluation. Always seek the advice of a physician or qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Par Avion Doula LLC is not liable or responsible for any advice, course of treatment, diagnosis or any other information, services or product you obtain through this blog, website or social media.
1. Forgoing a childbirth education course. A childbirth education course is the foundation of a positive birth experience. Not only does it help build your confidence promoting your overall wellbeing, it allows for a gradual opportunity to involve your partner and support system with your concerns and needs. Studies also show that parents who participated in childbirth education classes had a higher rate of vaginal birth and were less likely to experience a preterm birth. It's been my observation for first time parents, it's assumed that their prenatal visits will incorporate some form of what to expect, but that is not the case. While a provider might answer one off questions you have, most of the time the 15 minutes allocated for your check up will be met with a pamphlet and a support group schedule. The reality is, it's up to you to harness this part of your experience fully and find a course that aligns with your goals, whether it's Bradley, Hypno, online or offered through the local hospital. You may think that reading a book on childbirth is just as good, but in today's busy lifestyle, setting aside the time for a class will help keep you accountable, provide you a group of similar couples going through the same experience, and is tailored to answer your specific questions versus that of the general audience most books are written for. Maybe you are a breast cancer survivor, or a mom of multiples...you would want to find a course that has a credentialed and experienced professional instructor who can connect with the best support system for those unique challenges. Many doulas and midwives are great resources for finding a reputable childbirth education course or may even offer them, along with most OB/GYN or Labor and Delivery offices. If you are interested in my childbirth education course, click this link to read more!
2. Skipping birth prep because it's your second/third or beyond. Perhaps this isn't your first rodeo, and you've previously given birth so you think that it's not necessary to take a childbirth education course or prep. This is in my opinion an avoidable mistake. Perhaps you are looking at a vaginal birth after cesarean, or perhaps you end up with a breech baby the second round and need to prepare yourself for cesarean this time, either way, I've found many moms aren't aware of a gentle cesarean birth and are eager to learn about it as an option, should that be something they might encounter. But there are many scenarios that could arise where a refresher is a good idea. Even a long gap in between births, or more than a few years could be reason enough. The point is, there are so many options out there, go find one.
3. Limiting your birth team by not hiring a doula. As a doula, I firmly stand behind the evidence of increased birth outcomes for mom and baby by hiring a doula. Studies demonstrate that doulas help reduce the duration of labor, reduce anxiety, lower the rate of medical interventions including surgical births and improve mother-baby bonding post-birth. Some even suggest a reduced antidepressant prescription factor postpartum by as much as 25%. Doulas are an amplifier for all the positive measures you employ throughout your pregnancy and birth, and serve as a coach and emotional and informational resource. The most beneficial of these, is the continuous support aspect. It's incredible how much can be gained by familiarity, trust, and the relationships present in a mother's birth. Thereby allowing for a more pleasant experience and offering additional support mechanisms early for increased greater outcome potential. Doulas are not just for home births, or those looking to birth "naturally". Doulas are there to assist any birthing person.
4. Overlooking childcare or pet care. It's worth discussing having a reliable child and pet care plan in place. It's not your practitioner or doula's job. They need to be focused on you, and this is a liability issue as well. If in an emergent moment you need to transition to the hospital and you have no childcare plan in place, this could severely compromise you or your baby. Do not put yourself in this situation (yes I have seen it). It is important to plan for this and budget if necessary. Some people want to involve their children and pets in their birth, and this is an option, however it is still a good idea to have a back up plan in case as plans could always change quickly, so make sure you have an emergency plan in place at a minimum. Write it down and keep it somewhere easy to find in the heat of the moment when you need to harness those executive functioning skills.
5. Giving your birth experience over to others by not exploring all of your childbirth options in a birth plan. Put another way, explore all of your childbirth options and develop a birth plan. Keep in mind, that exploring options doesn't mean you are going to commit right away, you may end up learning about some options you hadn't otherwise stumbled upon which surprise you. Birth plans are controversial and some providers/hospitals don't accept them, which in my opinion is the very reason you should screen for this and determine what practices your birth location supports or prohibits. If water birth is something that really appeals to you, look into the local birth centers in your area. Also, read reviews carefully, tour the facility, if possible interview other families who have used that service or that location to make sure you are getting accurate and reliable feedback. I find that many parents and providers roll their eyes at the thought of a birth plan, but when I walk them through it individually they end up really appreciating the exercise and realizing there are many questions they wanted to address. So, again a doula can assist with this if it seems overwhelming. Not taking an active role in planning your birth location and the preferences in your birth is a huge mistake to avoid. I work with all of my clients to ensure we have a solid grasp of their vision for their ideal birth.
6. Assuming you don't need to interview your practitioners. You can google a list of questions to ask your provider, and let them know that you would like to ask them several questions, and would it be okay to do that during a prenatal or to schedule a separate time or email them the list? Either way, any hesitation to answer your questions is a red flag. It's fair that many providers are highly trained professionals and have been practicing for years, however it's your first time trusting your health and wellbeing with them, and that requires a level of trust and understanding that you deserve to feel good about. Bedside manner matters, your birth experience matters. Does the provider rush out the door during a prenatal? Do they return your calls? Will they be available for your estimated due date? Do they support a VBAC birth? What is their approach to birth interventions? How do you feel in the presence of the practitioner? Relaxed, on edge, rushed? Pay attention to these cues, and ask your partner to come along and see if they have any concerns for a second opinion. A doula can also accompany you to a prenatal if you prefer.
7. Avoiding considering emergency situations. Many births occur without issue, but it can be a great peace of mind going into childbirth knowing that you have some backups in place. Is your will and health directives in order? What about medical power of attorney? Have you considered what to do in an emergency? This could be anything from a weather emergency such as a severe storm or power outage. It could mean a pandemic. Does your birth location have a NICU or where would the closest one be? I commonly see parents fail to plan for a surgical birth or needing an epidural and ending up blind sided by the experience. Don't put yourself in this situation. By being familiar with some contingencies going into birth, you will have covered your bases.
8. Not resting enough, especially in early labor. The big day arrives and you think your labor has started. Your adrenaline kicks in, and you are wide awake with excitement. This is natural. But it can be hard to stay patient with the process as early labor can last hours into days. A mom who experiences early labor signs and is able to rest/sleep/stay laying down or relaxing will have conserved her energy for later when it will be much more difficult to rest due to the progressive nature of labor. It's hard to know what is normal, some moms rush to the hospital only to be sent home. Some moms stay up and anxious watching for the next big change only to exhaust themselves. Using a personal experience, when my water broke with my third pregnancy in the middle of the night, I let my husband know, I stayed laying down in bed and he brought me a towel. We went back to bed and by morning, I had gotten a full night's rest, and was ready for the next phase of labor to begin. The minute my feet touched the floor, my contractions picked up intensity and I was shortly in active labor because I had allowed the early contractions to work their magic entirely while I slept! It worked perfectly with the harmony of my body, a lesson I learned the hard way in my first birth. Furthermore, it is common throughout labor to need pauses, a nap or even a welcome break with an epidural can make all the difference in helping a mom garner her final energy reserves for transition (pushing phase). Rest is powerful in childbirth.
9. Notifying too many people and too early. This is a mistake for expectant parents as well as everyone else....when someone goes into labor is really no one's business. I'll state that again, when you think you are going into labor is no one else's business. Also, hand over communication duties entirely to your partner if that is an option. You can have a canned message ready to go, such as "Momma is going in for a check up today, everything is okay just making sure things are on track, will follow up later with more updates when we have it." and leave it at that.....no one should pry beyond that, and if they do...just send the same message again. Mom's, you do not owe the world an update just because you are having contractions and headed to the hospital. It can seem like a harmless update I know, but I witness this a lot and it really is a source of anxiety...so I give you permission to reserve privacy around your birth and allow yourself time to stay in the present. Relax, sleep, shower, eat, use this time to bond with your partner, play a soothing playlist, journal, meditate, fold some laundry and bounce on a birth ball, take a photo of the last time you are pregnant, ground yourself in the experience. The social media posts and texts can wait.
10. Underutilizing low-intervention coping techniques. Moving into the physical aspect now, there are many underutilized coping mechanisms that moms and partners can use to soothe themselves in the early stages of labor. This is a specialty area of doulas, and you can discuss this in your prenatals with her. Some moms find touch especially soothing, while others do not. Some moms find certain scents quite helpful, while others prefer distraction. Some are looking for movement and position guidance, while others prefer hypno. While some are comforted by prayer, music or even hydrotherapy. By exploring all of your options in birth and developing a birth plan as well as taking birth education classes you expand your knowledge of the available options to you.
11. Going to the hospital too early or calling the homebirth midwife too early. Going to the hospital too early is a common mistake, especially with first time moms. Talk to your doctor about when they want you to admit to labor and delivery, each hospital is different. You can always call ahead and ask if you are concerned. Many moms are concerned and want to get to the hospital right away, however once you are admitted, you will be required to progress with the hospitals timetables, and that could add external pressure for interventions (in some cases) you may be advised to take pitocin to artificially induce your labor, this is an intervention with positives and negatives you need to be familiar with. Again, back to that childbirth education class mentioned above. Mom's giving birth at home, this is not an issue, however one common mistake with homebirth is rallying your midwife too early! She will want to see some solid consistent contractions in a good span of time, usually tracked via an app, to ensure you are on your way to active labor. Remember, your doula is your lifeline here.
12. Bringing fear into your birth. The fear pain cycle is a very real aspect present in childbirth. Finding a childbirth course that addresses how the brain processes pain may be especially helpful. Additionally, due to the prevalence of childbirth trauma that is unresolved in so many women, it is quite common for others to witness your pregnancy and want to "share" their experience without recognizing appropriate boundaries. It is not helpful for a pregnant person to be inundated with these negative experiences, and can pollute her confidence in herself, her decisions, etc. So, recognizing when someone is causing harm through their good intentions can help you limit your exposure. For example, having a close family member present during your birth that you don't want there but feel pressured to allow, is not okay. You need to eliminate unnecessary fears surrounding birth by selecting positive, supportive and helpful support. This isn't cruel to your friend/family member....they had their birth. This is your birth. You are allowed to give birth free from someone else's fears and concerns. As my first midwife would say, "only the people who made the baby should be present for the birth." Stick to this method and you will find yourself thankful.
13. Not involving your partner. If at all possible, partner involvement is key to a bonded, sacred, and supportive birth experience. To begin, this person knows you best. They can assist with your nutritional and hydration needs, they can help ensure your birth plan is upheld, they can be your advocate when you are struggling or unsure. This person can physically and emotionally support you, oftentimes women just don't want to be left alone, that is a huge comfort. They can help you recage when you are needing a boost in your confidence. Kind and affirming words are so powerful. As a doula, my goal is to help the birth partner with gentle supportive methods whenever possible and also offer a break. If there is no partner available, a doula can be especially helpful in providing these comfort measures.
14. Suboptimal hydration and nutrition needs. Labor is a lot of work, your body needs adequate fuel and hydration. In hospital settings there are specific protocols in place, so you will want to ask about these in advance when deciding upon where you want to give birth. Mamy moms experience nausea and vomiting in labor making it difficult to want to take in anything orally. While certain foods are best to avoid at this time due to their acidic nature, for the most part, anything mom can tolerate is an important energy source. Setting a timer as a reminder to eat and drink is helpful. Honey sticks are a favorite, peanut butter, electrolytes, a few bites of banana or apple are a few examples. You will want to plan ahead for healthy options as many hospitals have policies against leaving to bring in food since COVID.
15. Rigid thought patterns. Thought patterns in childbirth are critical. I can instantly spot a mom who has given up on herself with negative thinking and self criticism. "I can't do this" is a common phrase. A doula can help you reframe in the moment, and find little pockets of hope and positivity. "I can't do this" turns into "this is hard, but I am doing it". Keeping an open and flexible attitude throughout childbirth will help when things inevitably stray from the desired plan. This is not the same as giving in to something you don't want, simply realizing that each birth experience is an unpredictable series of events that we do our best to manage and recognize we only have so much control, which allows for grace and acceptance when we are especially vulnerable and needing compassion.
16. Not trusting your practitioners. Trusting your provider is a key component to a positive birth experience. This is why the interview is so crucial. If you find yourself giving birth with someone unexpected, this can be a challenge, but at no point are you ever required to be disrespected or harmed even if you are in labor. Hopefully your provider relationship can endure your concerns and you are able to convey those early to your provider if needed, and I strongly encourage you to. Additionally, if you truly can't connect with the provider, it can sometimes be helpful to name your options....take a break and ask for privacy to regroup (timer permitting), request a different provider or second opinion, go to a different hospital, etc.
17. Not trusting yourself. I am inspired by the women reclaiming their autonomy in birth. Your body is strong and capable, and you have within you a deep wisdom of generations of women who have come before you with the beautiful sacred power of birth. Read, "Birthing from Within". Reclaim your innate feminine goddess of birthing power....she is waiting for you. Trust your birth, trust your body, and trust yourself. Finding a support group of any kind will amplify this inner voice tremendously, whether it is a prenatal yoga class or a La Leche League chapter, a postpartum support group or even a religious group. However you draw meaning from life as a source of inner peace, is worth connecting with to harness your own inner validation as you prepare to birth a new version of yourself.
18. Under prioritizing your wellbeing. Mom's surrender to the protocols and white coats around them in order to submit to gender roles of people pleasing and appeasing. They do this without even realizing it. Mom's,..... this is your birth. I can't make decisions for you, and while your doctor may try, at the end of the day, if you have a trusting relationship with your doctor and your goals are aligned, then your inner voice should never be compromised. You are an active participant in your birth, if you are in pain and being denied pain management...that is not okay, if you are tired and need rest....state your need for a break, if you are not understanding something, request clarification. You are not a burden and your needs matter. While we can all agree that we want a healthy baby, having this at the expense of your wellbeing is never the goal. This is really a mindset shift practice more than anything.
19. Blaming yourself. When things go differently than hoped or planned, blaming ourselves is not effective. It adds further injury to a difficult experience. I know it is difficult to unpack and discuss fully, but as an observation, there are simply things out of our control. Blaming as a coping mechanism doesn't allow us to fully heal, and if you recognize this in yourself or your partner, I gently urge you to reach out to your doctor or a counselor specializing in reproductive psychiatry for support. You can always reach out to post partum support international's free hotline to connect you to local resources in your area.
20. Not emotionally and mentally processing your birth. Birth processing is an essential part of integrating a hugely stressful life event into your overall adult experience. It can help you find validation in your emotions, identify unresolved issues, and tell your story which can be quite healing. When baby arrives, the attention rapidly shifts to the baby's weight, length, eating and sleeping hygiene, the obvious questions....but rarely are we asking mom...how was your birth experience? Did you feel supported? What was that like for you? What went well, what do you wish had gone differently? What are you proud of most? What did you learn about yourself? What advice do you have for other moms? Is there anything you wish to forgive or let go of from your experience? And so on. You birth experience matters, and a doula or counselor can help you process the events in a safe and supported environment.
